General

Joined: A long time ago...

Well, it does suck that you're still feeling down, but the fact that you're talking about it, losing weight, not giving up on looking for a job only means you want to make it through this. I think you've gone through the worst already and is just beginning to climb out. It might still be a little steap but you're climbing. But dude, 34 isn't old! I don't think you're doomed to live alone forever because really, you're still young enough to date chicks above and below you(age wise). Whether you fancy younger girls or more experienced women in their prime, it's sure to be a good time! ;)

Sure, we all lose things or lose touch with people who meant so much to us but the harsh reality is, THAT'S LIFE!!! Life would be far too boring if it were always a fairy tale. Believe me, you'll be a much stronger person because of this IF you decide to accept things and put the effort in getting over it. I mean, there's not much more you can do. Neglecting yourself will only make things worse so don't let yourself slip. You really need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that you're not the only one this has happened to. Lot's of people get over this and SO WILL YOU!!! You might not see it or predict when that'll be but it'll come gradually.

Definitely read some self help books or motivation books. Not to sound insensitive but try not to lose sleep over this cause I'm pretty sure she's not. It's alright to be a little selfish right now because you need to focus on yourself. If it's your will to love again, then you have to love yourself first. Because you can't give love back to another person if you don't have it within you to begin with.

But again...it all comes down to living one day at a time. And damnit! Get some sleep! If by chance someone calls you in for an interview, you want to make sure you're sharp and ready! GOOD LUCK and see you at E5!!!

Joined: A long time ago...

Think on the bright side.

she didnt give you a std right?

good.

Feel better?

Joined: A long time ago...

I hear ya edogg.  I just got a divorce after being married for 15 years.  Everything was cool until she got pregnant with our son.  Through the pregnancy she slowly started to go the "bible" route.  I'm not saying that is bad, but she wanted me to change as she did.  Man, I loved that woman soo much and we were having our first kid together after all those years.  Before she had our son, she decided to quit her 32K job and stay at home.  Well, that was impossible since I was finishing up college and was working temp for $11 an hour.  So, we had to move out of our apt. and move in w/ her parents (which was a no-go for me).  I lasted 4 days and moved in w/ my buddy.  To make a long story short, I went over one day to visit my son and she let me know that she filed for divorce.  I was in total shock and didn't know what to say.  I was with her for half her life and didn't know how to act without her. 

Now, I've met someone else (un-expectantly) and haven't been this happy in over 15 years!!!  I've got a new apt (which is badd ass by the way) and have a beautiful girlfriend to go with it.  I'm on cloud 10 now and have been for the past year. 

What I did was just hang out with my friends and have a good time.  I really couldn't go to my family because most of my family has passed.  My friends are my family now and they helped me get through this.  My advice is, hang out with friends, fam, or just find something that changes your attention.  Maybe even just date, who knows what will happen.  Like the old saying goes, "There's other fish in the sea."  Go fishin!

Joined: A long time ago...

Whatever you do, stay far, far away from the Stabbing Westward album entitled Wither, Blister, Burn, and Peel (I think that's it anyway, it has been a long time...). I used to listen to that album when I got down about women and shit years ago, and it did nothing but make it worse...

On a more serious note, here is a little story for you. (kind of long... sorry....)

I used to be married. I met a girl, we "fell in love" quickly, and we got engaged to be married. I was truly in it for the long haul, only the girl had different intentions. I saw some small warning signs along the road, but you put your blinders on to them when you are in love, so I ignored them. We were your average couple starting out, we were poor, but we had what we needed ya know. Time was going on, and things were lookig up, the bank account was getting bigger, we were having an easier time getting all the bills paid and leaving some money left over for other things, so on and so forth. We got in arguements and stuff, but I saw nothing majorly wrong, and I thought we were pretty much happy.

Skip forward a little... one day rolls around and she drops me off at work, we say I love you, see you tonight (we shared a car at the time), kiss kiss, ya know, the normal routine. Well, I get a phone call during my lunch from her, and she says I need to get a ride home that night, only she won't clue me in as to why. We argued about it until she says she just has to go, and she hangs up abruptly. I knew in my heart something was seriously wrong, but I tried to stay positive. That night, I got a ride home from a co-worker, walked up to my apartment, opened the door, and there she was in the living room crying, with ALL of my shit packed up in boxes. She looks at me and says, and I quote: "I can't do this anymore... My mother told me when we got engaged that I didn't have to marry you, just becasue you asked." Funniest part was, she proposed to me... She then proceeds to say, and I quote again: "I don't love you, and I can't live this life anymore, you need to be out of this apartment by midnight tonight." She then continued on about how she never really loved me, but she thought she could if she tried hard enough over time, she was just looking for a new life, a way out of her parents house, and I happened to be there at the time... She handed me back the wedding ring and after some words between us for about 10 minutes, she walked out.

I gave up so many plans for this girl it wasn't even funny. I altered my entire existence for her, and that was how she repaid me. I lost contact with 90% of my friends, I had no car, no real savings, my money was tied up in shared bills, etc. I immediately assumed there was some other guy, and I was right and wrong. She had been talking to a guy she knew for half her life, and they were going out to lunch and shit about 6 months before, and they were getting closer, I assume they were sleeping together, but I don't know. It really doesn't matter anyway, it would have hurt a lot less to be left for someone else then to have your wife tell you she doesn't love you, she never did, she used you, and now that she got what she wants, she wants you out of her life. She ended up marrying and using that guy too, but that is another story entirely...

Anyways. I dealt with it in steps man. For the first 2 months, it hurt to live sometimes, the pain I was feeling was so unreal it wasn't even funny. It was more then pain of loss too, it was pain of betrayal that made it linger so badly. My first step was depression, and like I said, that lasted about 2 months. My next step was working my ass off, and I did that for about a month until I was just too damned tired to work so many hours. Next came the drinking and going out. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS STEP!!!! I would go out almost every night and get shitty, drive home, pass out, get up and drag ass at work the next day, and do it again the next night. I kep telling myself I was just being young and having fun, but what I was really doing was wasting my money and my life. I half snapped to my senses after the first few times I got too drunk to drive home, so I ended up sleeping in my car in the parking lot of whatever bar I was at. My boss found out about these things, and could just see in my face that I was slipping into alcoholism and worse, so he stepped in, sat me down, and had a very long heart to heart with me. I was fortunate to have such a good outside person in my life then, otherwise I don't think I would have been so fortunate. I lessened my going out, but didn't clean up entirely until about 4-5 more months later when I met a new girl, not a 1 night stand girl, not a 2 week fling girl like I had met in the previous months, but a real girl.

We started talking nightly, and going out on dates on the weekends, and my entire life seemed to instantly brighten up. EVERYTHING just looked up. I stopped dwelling on the past, I stopped having the songs I heard on the radio remind me of my ex, I stopped looking at the places the ex and I used to go with remorse, I just didn't care about any of that anymore. I had new light, new hope to live for, and it pushed the remorse and pain away. It took about 6 months to really let go of the initial pain, but it wasn't until I met this girl that ALL the pain and ALL the remorseful feelings went away.

End of story, that girl and I have been together for just under 2 years now, and we are getting married in a month and a week. She is the best thing to have ever happened to me and I love her more then I knew I could ever love anything. I pulled out of the darkest and lowest time of my life stronger and with more will to push forward then I have ever had. There was no magic thing that made the pain START to go away, only time did that. It did take a magic thing to make all the bad memories go away though, and for me, it was meeting this girl.

The same will happen for you man, I promise you. Time will make you feel better, but it won't let you forget. Soon enough though, you will find something, be it a girl or whatever, that will help you forget, because that thing will require you to live for the present, so you can't dwell in those memories anymore. Just trust me and give it time. It all takes time man, just push on everyday, and it WILL get easier, and you will eventually find what you are looking for, the biggest key is to STOP searching. If you don't look, it will come, I promise.

T.

Joined: A long time ago...

I have so many issues in my life right now and none of them are getting any better.  I wish I could just cut my losses and start over.